mental health

Hell’s bells.

I am avoiding something.

I think it might be something big.

And probably ugly.

Yesterday I spent the day playing video games after a long break. Today I am giving my website a complete make-over. I typically clean when I am in avoidance mode, so this is atypical and disturbing behavior. I’m dealing with code for fuck sake! And yes, I am positive there will be more swearing.

I think I am supposed to be writing. I started something a couple months ago and then let it fall to the side. It’s going to be another brain-fuck so I’m guessing that is the hesitation to pick it back up. I do not want a repeat of the mental state I found myself in last year at this time. It took me well into the summer to recover. And yes, I’m being a bit vague because I never did talk about any of that on this site. In a nut shell: a research paper on adoption for an english class coupled with the stress of getting Kyle graduated and into college broke my brain. But I think I really need to get this family stuff out of my head and onto paper (can’t afford a shrink right now) as I find myself over-sharing with random strangers.

hi. let me tell you about my fucked up family history.

yep.

So. Go check out the new shiny zoot suit I put on my website! And the previously named “Freeway Project”? It’s still progressing but at a glacial pace. This semester’s Fiber Arts class is giving my a lot of ideas as to how to deal with the sculptural elements of the project. In the meantime, Erin and I are weaving.

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I know, I know… I’m overdue on putting up a new post. I can’t just leave that idle threat about cleaning the oven so front and center. We all know I would never do such a thing.

So, for the record, I am currently not depressed. Although that doesn’t mean I won’t revisit the state again before this month is over. But for now, I’m feeling ok and starting to look forward. You may now say those cliché “one door closes and another one opens” things to me without fear of something flying towards your head.  Progress.

I’ve actually done quite a few things in the last couple days that I could tell you about, but I’m sorry, it will have to wait. It is Sunday morning and I’m in “household chores” mode, flitting from task to task, as is my way. Do a bit here, carry something there, and then work some more on whatever is “there” before I make my way back “here” to finish what I started. And in that haphazrdly way, I get it all done. Or nothing gets done and the house is left in a state of complete half-assedness. We’ll see how it goes today.

Right now I’m doing laundry (aren’t I always!), sorting and filing, making lunch, beating the children, plotting my course. And then there’s my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I’m swamped.

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