Hell’s bells.

I am avoiding something.

I think it might be something big.

And probably ugly.

Yesterday I spent the day playing video games after a long break. Today I am giving my website a complete make-over. I typically clean when I am in avoidance mode, so this is atypical and disturbing behavior. I’m dealing with code for fuck sake! And yes, I am positive there will be more swearing.

I think I am supposed to be writing. I started something a couple months ago and then let it fall to the side. It’s going to be another brain-fuck so I’m guessing that is the hesitation to pick it back up. I do not want a repeat of the mental state I found myself in last year at this time. It took me well into the summer to recover. And yes, I’m being a bit vague because I never did talk about any of that on this site. In a nut shell: a research paper on adoption for an english class coupled with the stress of getting Kyle graduated and into college broke my brain. But I think I really need to get this family stuff out of my head and onto paper (can’t afford a shrink right now) as I find myself over-sharing with random strangers.

hi. let me tell you about my fucked up family history.


So. Go check out the new shiny zoot suit I put on my website! And the previously named “Freeway Project”? It’s still progressing but at a glacial pace. This semester’s Fiber Arts class is giving my a lot of ideas as to how to deal with the sculptural elements of the project. In the meantime, Erin and I are weaving.














Progress. I’ve been making it, albeit in a total tortoise slow and steady wins the race fashion. I’ve been facing the fears inherent in this new “big project”* and taking small manageable steps towards completion.

ha! That’s sounds so grown up.

I’ve taken the photographs (still need a couple more) and the universe has generously provided me with the means to print them as large cyanotypes in the form of the amazing Judy being in my Alt Process class! She has a kick ass alt process studio set up in her home that we can print at and she has a contact frame large enough for 20×24″ paper. Ask and ye shall receive right?

So, that part of the project is moving forward. The sculptures? ugh. Still haven’t figured that out yet. Not even sure if that’s what I should be calling them. First material test was a bust. Need to try some thicker paper. Plastic? Mat board?? I’m still a bit stuck there. But I’ll figure it out. I have no deadline for this, so am not stressing things. Just trying to keep the momentum going and not get bogged down in self-doubt.

I think my woodcut is close to completion which means I can get the giant jig Chris made me off the table. I haven’t painted in what feels like ages and need that surface clear. Maybe one more day of cutting back those high marks. I ran another test print yesterday and took a photo of the block after I inked it to see what areas still need to be worked on.


Not all of those extra marks showed up on the print, so again, not gonna stress about it too much. And  I kinda like those marks on relief prints. Perfection is not the goal thank goodness.


In other “big project”/painting (but not the good kind of painting painting) news, we’ve been painting the house! yeah, that was a lot of paintings. Welcome to my world. Now that Kyle is firmly ensconced in the dorm at Sac State (and in a frat! omg who is that kid?!), we moved Erin into his bedroom as it is the bigger of the 2 rooms. We let her pick out the paint colors – within reason of course – and now the room is Beloved Pink. Nice. She had picked out new bedding – because she is big now and ladybugs and flowers just aint’ cutting it anymore! – so we had a color scheme to work with. I even painted her dresser a pretty light mint green. Our Paris-girl is loving it!

Photo Oct 06, 6 13 59 PM

Photo Oct 06, 7 03 14 PM

We moved her in on Tuesday and Wednesday was the previously scheduled start date for having the exterior of our house painted. oh my. They are finishing up today and it is looking great! I will be beyond happy to get the remaining plastic off the windows. At one point yesterday, not only were all the windows covered, but the doors too! I was trapped in plastic wrap! And that is no way to live. But we aren’t done yet! Tonight Chris will start painting Erin’s old room for Kyle. Chris is on a tan wall be gone bender!


* I haven’t known what to call these new pieces I’ve been working on, but I now know that I do not like “big project” even if that’s what it feels like. I think I will now refer to it as the “Freeway Project”. Totally irrelevant to what it is about, but reminds me of how the ideas came to me. Plus it gives me a fIREHOSE earworm that I like.  sweet.



We moved Kyle into the dorm at Sac State (California State Univ-Sacramento) yesterday (happy dances for everyone!) and yes, I am taking all the credit for this monumental occasion. And I don’t even care how that sounds.

I have gotten a lot of things accomplished these last 8 months, but nothing took more of my psychic energy than Kyle. The stress that kid put me through caused full-on panic attacks, more sleep-less nights than I can count, and it has taken quite a toll on me mentally and physically.

There were several times earlier this year that I tried to write a post about all the shit going on, but I was unable to get past the second sentence. There was just too much and I wasn’t ready to share it on this or any other social media platform. I still don’t feel like suffering the  carpel-tunnel that I would inevitably get trying to write about “all the things”. But let me tell you the story of Kyle. Kyle, whose graduation ceremony was on a Thursday night and we didn’t know if he would even graduate until Monday afternoon of that week!

Let’s let that sink in. The child almost did not graduate.

Because of his math class. Where he never turned in any of his homework. Classic (and stupid) story of a smart boy who gets A’s on all his tests, F’s on the all the homework assignments, and then gets a C in all his classes.  Go ahead, bang you head on your desk. Why do you think I have so many damn headaches?!

So the second half of May, after somehow surviving my semester from hell, was the stressed out nag-a-thon to get Kyle to finish up and turn in all the missing homework packs. “Kyle, you should start working on that math” “I will” “Kyle, you only have two weeks, get on it!” “I know. I got it.” “KYLE!” “I will” and on and on until my head exploded.

But he graduated! And he was accepted to Sac State. I took a brief 5 minutes to bask in his graduation glory and then shifted focus to the college admissions to-do list. Anyone who has a kid in college knows that there are no less that five thousand and two hoops that must be jumped through before admission is finalized. Miss a dead-line and your hosed. Not sure that Kyle even knows how to use a calendar, I made sure shit got done. Took my laptop to class with me that morning the housing application window opened. FAFSA, FERPA, I did it all.

So sure, throw some credit to Kyle. He is smart, got good SAT and ACT test scores, and is where he should be. And Chris certainly deserves mad props too. But today I’m gonna stand here and yell “ME!” because I worked my ass off this year. And dropping this kid at the dorm was a big fucking deal!

Photo Aug 28, 2 55 55 PM

My work here is done. Kick ass at college Kyle!



One tube of white paint at a time.

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Today’s easel view. I will be forever entertained that the gun print in the background always seems to be pointing at someone’s head!

We have been in our new house for over a year now and I can’t even express how much I love my studio space without resorting to lots of little hearts and glitter. And I don’t roll that way.


I love sitting at my desk and being able to turn and mad dog whatever is on my easel. Today we have two acrylic paintings that I have been working on in fits and starts for a couple months. Actually the bottom panel was an old unfinished painting from last year. So many layers. And I’ve spent the past two days just adding white paint over white paint. I have no idea where it will go from here, but it’s at an interesting place right now.

And then there is all the stuff churning around in my brain. I was hit with a wave of ideas for art pieces last week while flying down the freeway blasting some permutation of Jack White on the stereo. And it wasn’t just a couple random ideas, I saw the complete installation in a gallery. It was kind of amazing. Now my challenge is to see if I can create those pieces. It started with sculptural wall pieces – something I’ve never done before. I have no idea how I’m gonna pull those off, but my plan is to start with a small maquette and experiment with materials. There were also photographs – cyanotypes to be specific. Hey lucky me, I was already planning on doing an Independent Study in Alternative Process this upcoming semester. I had no idea what I was going to work on when I brought this up to Randy (professor) last spring, but now I know exactly what I need to do. And I am slowing getting things together to put myself in front of the camera. Big leaps here people.

2 weeks ago, I had a sudden urge to go to the library and check out a book that I hadn’t finished the first time around. It’s a big book. While I was looking for what I went in for, I ran across “The Artist’s Way” and decided to grab that too. Oh life, it’s bigger.



Merry Ho Ho Ho

December 25, 2014

Santa came! and replaced my daughter’s regular legs with mile-long spider limbs!   freaky oh man. Kyle, Erin, and I played a game of Life – it was almost as painful as the real thing! And with this gift, Chris gets his phone back. Priceless. But then he had to build the Monster High Catacombs. […]

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Think Happy Thoughts

October 31, 2014

It is Halloween and I spent the morning listening to Kyle complain about how uncomfortable thong underwear is. wow. They really do grow up so fast. So, to try and erase the images of him and his teammates at last night’s costumed volleyball practice – sports bra and thongs oh my – I have been clicking through my computer files […]

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