Hell’s bells.

I am avoiding something.

I think it might be something big.

And probably ugly.

Yesterday I spent the day playing video games after a long break. Today I am giving my website a complete make-over. I typically clean when I am in avoidance mode, so this is atypical and disturbing behavior. I’m dealing with code for fuck sake! And yes, I am positive there will be more swearing.

I think I am supposed to be writing. I started something a couple months ago and then let it fall to the side. It’s going to be another brain-fuck so I’m guessing that is the hesitation to pick it back up. I do not want a repeat of the mental state I found myself in last year at this time. It took me well into the summer to recover. And yes, I’m being a bit vague because I never did talk about any of that on this site. In a nut shell: a research paper on adoption for an english class coupled with the stress of getting Kyle graduated and into college broke my brain. But I think I really need to get this family stuff out of my head and onto paper (can’t afford a shrink right now) as I find myself over-sharing with random strangers.

hi. let me tell you about my fucked up family history.


So. Go check out the new shiny zoot suit I put on my website! And the previously named “Freeway Project”? It’s still progressing but at a glacial pace. This semester’s Fiber Arts class is giving my a lot of ideas as to how to deal with the sculptural elements of the project. In the meantime, Erin and I are weaving.















June 4, 2011

in Life - it's bigger

My phone rang last night after I was in bed. Not quite asleep, but on my way. I hate that. It scares me. It was my nephew Brady in Michigan calling to tell me he had talked to my brother David.

(David is also in Michigan. My family is in Michigan. I’m in California. I don’t want to live in Michigan, but I hate the 2300 mile distance between us!)

So, Brady talked to David; not your typical reason for a late night call. Or a blog post for that matter, but this was big. No one had seen or heard from my brother in over 6 years! He had just fallen off the face of the earth. One of those things where you would ask “hey, have you heard from David recently? No? Weird.” Until it became “hey, will you drive out to the west side and see if you can find David?”. And then “hey did you know that P.I.s don’t ‘find’ people any more? wth?”

Before he went MIA, my brother worked with my nephew for many years. Was always hanging out at his house. And he would show up at the folk’s house periodically. Always manged to stop by around his birthday. So Brady was the go-to for David info. I didn’t talk with David that often, but I always knew what he was up to and that he was okay via Brady. Then he just wasn’t anywhere. Even missed stopping by my parents for his birthday. And my dad started asking me if I had heard from him. No, I hadn’t. And neither had Brady. So we wondered, and then we worried. And years passed. And every time I talked to my dad, he asked about David. And it was heart breaking and I was over 2000 miles away and could do nothing except call Brady again and ask him to go look for David.

In the meantime, I got remarried. Had another kid who is now 4. Kyle is six feet tall and no longer plays with the matchbox cars his uncle gave him so many years ago. And then yesterday David calls Brady. Just like that! He’s living in our home town with his friend Terry. Just like we thought/hoped/couldn’t confirm. So they talked for a couple hours and then Brady called me. And I called David this morning.

I didn’t yell at him. I did let him know that we had been worried sick and he needs to go see dad. And I told him that I loved him. And, if he ever disappears on us again I will buy another pair of pointy cowboy boots and  kick. his. ass!


We are finally back home after our extended and consequently extra wonderful weekend in Santa Cruz. I spent 5 days in a no-news-is-good-news, clean-fit-for-breathing ocean air, more brownies than I care to think about, bubble of happiness. And then the reality of the Sacramento valley had to go and burst that bubble. Still with the fires? And a heatwave too? Gah.

Oh well, what can you do but close the blinds (there is nothing to see out there and it will help keep the place cool) and close your eyes and think back on the long holiday weekend…

So, what did I do with all that time at the coast? Besides fill a couple memory cards with pictures?
Is that wrong?! I got through the next chapter in 2 afternoons while the baby slept and the boys were at the beach. Sure, I could have gone to the beach with them; sat in the sand with the sun beating down on my head. Or I could sit alone in a nice quiet house without any interruptions and Chris’s laptop. If that’s wrong – I don’t want to be right!
And I still managed to see plenty of the beaches while I was there – and in my favorite ways; driving around and stopping for photo ops (or scouting out kelp beds and beach access – depending on who’s telling the story) and walking with Kyle or Erin (and the camera – always the camera).

And let’s not forget the time spent playing the Wii. Oh yeah baby, we have got to get one of those!! I logged 30+ minutes in my Wii Fit piggy bank Monday morning. And I’m feeling it today. Kyle and I have taken the yoga to a nice competitive level. And he’s giving me a run for my money. What the boy lacks in flexibility, he more than makes up for in balance! Which the Wii Fit board has a much easier time of gauging. So not fair. And I bowled a personal best Sunday night – 213! I had 2 turkeys in that game. Nice. And Kyle and I spent at least an hour making Mii’s for the whole family. And they look good. Unfortunately I forgot to snap a photo. Sorry. I’ll get the family portrait next time.

And there were brownies. Lots of brownies.

Now I have to do the assignment for Chapter 5 and edit all those pictures. (Hey Rachel – I put the 50mm on twice!) And laundry. Always laundry.

Also, I finished shooting the roll of color film in the Holga and need to drop it off for developing. So, the question of the day is: will my desire to see my photos beat out the fact that if I run an extra errand, my throat will close up, my eyes will again burn, and I increase the likelihood of a headache?

Tune in tomorrow to – As the World Burns.


Once upon a time – last week – the 5th graders watched “the video”. You know the one I’m talking about, the health video for boys and girls on “puberty and their changing bodies”. Oh joy. Consequently Chris and Kyle have been talking. Discussions about erections, birth-control, and wet dreams. I meanwhile have been sitting in the corner with my fingers in my ears singing lalalalalala. Erin joins in with her Tibetan monk chanting and then my head implodes. The end.

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May 17, 2008

Are you worried that this blog is going to be all about school and my bitter complaints about the weather? Well, that might seem a valid concern after the last 2 posts, but I doubt there will be that much more to say about my class. Now the temperature issue – I’m not going to […]

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